Frustrated!

Can't get a proper sleep lately, something is just bothering me in the back of my mind. Not because of my studies of course, although i didn't do well in my pavement module.

I have been self evaluating myself lately, when a martian meets problems, he would pull away to his cave,stay alone and think for solutions. Which is exactly what i did for the last 2 days, stayed in my room, and think for solutions.

Back to what is bothering me lately. I started to project this traits since i was young, i used to bite people i met. My parents even consulted by teacher, principles and even some victim's parent. Besides, i am very arrogant, selfish and boastful; Is my family hard work that suppressed all the negatives element in me to the minimal and I use the word suppressed here is because i still believe that these negative elements within me would surfaces easily. 

I will describe more about it below, E.g:

As a Chinese, whenever i wanted speak English, i would 1st think the phrase in Chinese and translate it into English; And whenever i am confronted with matters, I would 1st think in a very negative way, then only i translate this negative thinking into a positive 1. Filter it before i actually project it out of me. That is why i feel fake sometimes, and tries to show some of my evil part (which i mean being hurtful), instead of being nice all the time.

:)